When you love someone with ADHD…

Loving someone with ADHD can be difficult, especially when we don’t fully understand how their minds work. Attention deficit hyperactive disorder is so much more than hyperactivity and inability to focus. It comes with impulsive behaviours, seemingly extreme emotions and a perceived need to be ‘difficult’ or argumentative. When we can truly understand how someone with ADHD perceives the world, we start to create the safety and understanding that they need to thrive.

Safety is one of the most important aspects to helping someone with ADHD. An ADHD mind is an anxious mind, it’s physically wired to be more alert to perceived dangers. And to feel judged for something that cannot easily be controlled can exasperate symptoms. Your loved one may feel ashamed that they struggle to keep up with basic housework, or frustrated that the world is so much more difficult for them.

So if we can create an environment where they feel accepted and heard, without judgment, we can build trust and help create a sense of security. Opening communication about your loved one’s want and needs can be a good place to start. What small action or change could make their day to day life easier? Perhaps a code word to express when they are feeling overwhelmed, to help reduce tension if you’re struggling to interact clearly and calmly together.

An ADHD brain doesn’t produce enough of the reward neurotransmitter, dopamine. Therefore, your loved one will seek more stimulation to find the dopamine balance. Sometimes, this craving can manifest as impulsive behaviours or even provoking arguments, igniting these intense emotions.

Conflict provides a quick dopamine boost, although in the long run is counterproductive and leads to more frustration. This misunderstanding is often seen as ‘attention seeking’ or ‘being difficult’ but remember, ADHD is a brain driven condition, meaning your loved one has little control over these extreme reactions.

Often, taking a pause and reminding yourself that this particular argument is not necessarily about the current issue, but perhaps just the brain’s need for stimulation. Once we start to recognise this pattern, we can calm ourselves when talking with our loved ones and start responding with compassion rather than reacting with defensiveness. Reducing our own levels of stress, will help to reduce their’s too.

When supporting our loved ones with ADHD, it’s important to educate ourselves about the condition and understand that it’s not a lack of willpower or effort. We can encourage them to engage in healthier dopamine boosting activities, especially exercise or their most enjoyed creative hobbies.

Loving someone with ADHD, life can be tough at times. But with empathy, patience and understanding, you can both work together to find useful strategies to nurture the ADHD mind and build a relationship that thrives despite challenges. You can work together to find ways to make daily life easier and handle the ups and downs.

If someone you love is struggling with ADHD, you may want to consider professional support to help manage the anxiety, impulsivity and emotional regulation. Hypnotherapy is an invaluable tool, focusing on the all the wonderful strengths your loved one already possesses and offering a safe, judgment free space to work through challenges and build resilience. Feel free to reach out to me at Williams Hypnotherapy for personally tailored, guided support for your loved one with ADHD.